Self-Acceptance

"If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you are not able of developing compassion for others. - Dalai Lama

"Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you'll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you're worthy of" - Dr. Robert Holden (Psychology)

Hi everyone, I decided to drop the hiatus- I've been itching to write =). However, I will be keeping my posts relatively short (but sweet)!

Lets take a brief look at self-acceptance: Self-acceptance is a prerequisite for change to occur in clinical psychological and positive psychology. It is a concept that is deemed necessary for mental health. 

(Picture credit to my wonderful brother Dr. GC)

Self-esteem movement founder- Dr. Branden says that the practice of self-acceptance is expressed through the willingness to accept our real self (with honesty and without denial or evasion).

Dr.Branden emphasizes- we ought to accept that we think what we think, feel what we feel, did what we have done, and are what we are. Our fears, our thoughts, our actions, and our dreams are all a part of who we are- and we should not deny it nor evade it. 

When we practice self-acceptance, we willingly experience the facts (leading us to be more worry-free) of our being at a particular moment. Self acceptance is to refuse being our own enemy by making peace with ourselves. This is so important, and I've come to realize that we are often our own worst critic, our own worst enemy, and if willing, our own best friend. 

When we practice self-acceptance, we willingly accept any emotion or behavior as a part of us- at a particular time, regardless of whether or not it is to our liking. Dr. Branden calls this a virtue of realism: "respecting reality"- in regards to our self. 

It's so very applicable: "If I am confronted with a mistake I have made, in accepting that it is mine I am free to learn from it and do better in the future. I cannot learn from a mistake I cannot accept having made. Self-acceptance is the precondition of change and growth." Dr. Branden

As individuals who yearn to be healthy mentally and emotionally, we must learn from our mistakes. It's clear that if we desire to learn from our mistakes, we must first accept that we have made a mistake. Too often, we deny or evade our problems- by choosing flight in our "fight or flight response." We have to realize that we can learn from all our mistakes and misfortunes; we have to realize that it's necessary for positive change and growth; we have to realize that we are all human. This means that we ought not to continually criticize ourselves, but rather, that we accept our flaws and mistakes as a part of us at a specific time.

But this also doesn't mean that you accept your weaknesses and negative habits by doing nothing about any of it. It doesn't serve as an excuse to be lazy and having an easy way out. Certainly, this mindset will not lead us to positive progress or change. 

In practicing self-acceptance, you become aware of your characteristics and know better who you are. This is the overcoming of fear to look at yourself in an honest manner. How can we really improve ourselves if we don't even acknowledge who we really are? If we are in constant denial to think rationally, logically, and realistically, how can we ever make positive progress in an efficient and effective manner? 

"Keep your heart open for as long as you can, as wide as you can, for others and especially for yourself." - Dr. Morrie Schwartz (Sociology)

To accept your self doesn't mean that you go ahead and accept your failures by doing absolutely nothing about it. It means that because you now know what your failures are, you've learned to analyze and evaluated them more objectively, thereby gaining wisdom and knowledge. After this essential foundation-laying step, you get up once again after your fall to conquer your mistakes and improve yourself. 

It's a first step, but a necessary step, and Dr. Branden stated it as one of the 6 pillars to a positive self-esteem for good reason. 

We don't effective change by beating ourselves up. Rather, when we accept our self, we allow a positive change by being mentally healthy before striving towards our goals. 

Always realize that at a particular point and time, you did the best that you could do. Get to know yourself better: your values, your guilt, your motivation, and never be afraid to ask questions that are hard to answer. 

"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who doesn't ask a question remains a fool forever." - Chinese Proverb. 

If you are interested in looking more into self-acceptance, here's an insightful article by Psychologist Dr. Seltzer, a former Cleveland State University Professor: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200809/the-path-unconditional-self-acceptance