Acceptance

“Acceptance simply means acknowledging reality as it is right now. When we accept something, we are simply acknowledging that it exists. We don’t judge it as good or bad, pleasant or unpleasant, desirable or undesirable; we simply acknowledge it as being present.” – Greg Dorter (Psychotherapist)

Acceptance is an important concept in several religions and psychology, in which both suggest that a path of acceptance to be taken in a situation of dissent. Often, these situations are negative, uncomfortable, out of our control, unchangeable, or can only be changed at the cost of great risk or sacrifice.

Acceptance is prominent in Buddhist teachings, and Christianity tends to characterize acceptance as forgiveness.

Many times throughout my life, I’ve had difficulty accepting things as they are. I didn’t like the situation, I wished it could be different, and I was unhappy with the result. But I’ve come to realize that the origin of our unhappiness comes not from our desire for change, but rather our perceptual language (Search: Green Psychology Perceptual Language). Our perceptual language allows ourselves to live in the present moment, reminding us that we make meaning of all that we experience, and that we possess the power of this choice.  The origin of my unhappiness came from my choice to not accept that the negative and uncomfortable situations were out of my control. In most cases, even if such a situation was changeable, my own cost-benefit analysis certainly did not look healthy. I certain did not want to be vulnerable and I desired to be in control.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” - Shakespeare

What I didn’t realize is that we could choose embrace these situations, accept it as it is, and attempt to understand it. This is a conscious choice we have, a concept closely tied with Mindfulness (one of the seven factors of enlightenment in Buddhism). Psychotherapists who advocate the Acceptance Commitment Therapy says that humans are stuck in a life where we get both the good and the bad, and the sooner we come to terms with that, the sooner we can start living.

"Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune." – William James, Pioneering American Psychologist and Philosopher

The focus is on the past experiences that went to define our way of looking at life. Through the exploring of our experiences, we come to be more conscious of the actual experiences and the way we framed the situation for ourselves. We can choose how we feel about each experience, and come to accept it- bringing in more positivity into our lives.

"Acceptance does not mean 'putting up with' or resigning yourself to anything. Acceptance is about embracing life, not merely tolerating it. Acceptance literally means 'taking what is offered'. It doesn't mean giving up or admitting defeat; it doesn't mean just gritting your teeth and bearing it. It means fully opening yourself to your present reality- acknowledging how it is, right here and now and letting go of the struggle with life as it is in this moment." - Dr. Russ Harris, Psychotherapist

Buddhism also believes that our suffering is caused by the resistance to what is, or the unwillingness to accept it. Psychotherapists suggest that we ought not to deny events or numb feelings. Buddhism would suggest that we do the same, that we ought to offer no resistance- as it is normal to feel- and our feelings shall naturally pass and we will naturally heal. Resistance, or the denying of events and numbing of feelings, only extends our negative experience- stopping us from returning to a positive state.

"What you resist, persists." - Carl Jung

My own experiences have proven such teachings and advice effective. In times of difficulty, I had let my emotions flow, and accepted my situation and my feelings as is. Time and again, I had found the reward of diminishing negativity and increasing positivity. My hope is that all of you can find the same result and find more positivity as well. Good luck, stay positive, and spread your positivity :]!

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance." – George Orwell