Self-Esteem #2

My first post was a selective cut-and-paste of what Dr. Branden said at the first international conference of self-esteem. I know not all of you will take the time to read a 10 page summary- shame on you (just kidding- but I still urge everyone to read it). If you haven't read it, then this 2 page blog post can be found insightful.

In short, Dr. Branden wanted us to realize the importance of Self-Esteem. He doesn't suggest that it's the solution to those who pursue happiness, but rather, he suggests that a healthy self-esteem is a necessary condition to our well-being. Simply put- we cannot achieve fulfillment without it.

Those who are high in self-esteem are strong in the wake of difficulties and set backs, they are also determined and ambitious towards a goal they have set. This really refers back to anything, emotional goals, creative goals, and spiritual goals. Those with low self-esteem stick with the relatively safe, the known, and the undemanding. It's a self-reinforcing, repetitive cycle, and if we have a high self esteem, we get right back up when we take a fall (failures, mistakes, regret- relate back to the post Our Past.)

Now here's one of my favorite parts: Dr. Branden stated that if we have a low-self esteem, we will tend to attract those who are low in self-esteem as well. This can be really disastrous- two people who think poorly of themselves on the inside, coming together to form an even more toxic relationship.

Why would it be toxic?

Self-Esteem (Caution Lengthy Post)

Self-Esteem is an idea that some psychologists fear in being trivialized. This is going to be a lengthy read for a blog post, but I promise it has strong potential to impact your life positively.

"There is no use whatever trying to help people who do not help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he be willing to climb himself." - Andrew Carnegie –

 "Let me say here that self-esteem as I understand it is not a free gift that we need only claim: its possession over time represents great achievement." – Nathaniel Branden

Let’s take a look at what a prominent psychotherapist has to say at the first ever International Conference of Self-Esteem. In direct synopsis, Nathaniel Branden, founder of the Self – Esteem Movement:

"A human being cannot hope to realize his or her potential without healthy self-esteem. Self-esteem is the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life. More specifically, self-esteem is (a) confidence in our ability to think, confidence in our ability to cope with the challenges of life; and (b) confidence in our right to be happy, the feeling of being worthy, deserving, entitled to respect our needs and wants and to enjoy the fruits of our efforts. Later I will refine and condense this definition. 

Lacking positive self-esteem, our psychological growth is stunted. Positive self-esteem operates as, in effect, the immune system of consciousness, providing resistance, strength, and a capacity for regeneration. When self-esteem is low, our resilience in the face of life’s adversities is diminished. We crumble before vicissitudes that a healthier sense of self could vanquish. We tend to be more influenced by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy; negatives have more power over us than positives. If we do not believe in ourselves—neither in our efficacy nor in our goodness—the universe is a frightening place.